


The Things We Lost In the War

by raeofsunshin



Category: Not Another D&D Podcast (Podcast)
Genre: Drinking, I made myself sad, I wrote this- once again- in one sitting, Other, angst? not intense tho, first and foremost they are best friends, unrequited pining, what is fan fiction but a bunch of vaguely connected emotions, yep im still thinking about the legendary heroes, you can probably tell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:40:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26394292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raeofsunshin/pseuds/raeofsunshin
Summary: Ulfgar fell for Alanis like a baby bird falls from a nest. Stupidly.-----Ulfgar and Alanis bond over unrequited love because I like to make myself sad.
Relationships: Alanis/Thiala (mentioned), Alanis/Ulfgar Trueaxe (one-sided)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16
Collections: the campaign before the campaign





	The Things We Lost In the War

**Author's Note:**

> First and foremost, Ulfgar drinks his respect women juice. Second, Alanis and Ulfgar are best friends. Third, I will continue to write introspective legendary heroes fanfiction instead of doing homework.
> 
> Enjoy!

Ulfgar fell for Alanis like a baby bird falls out of a nest. Stupidly.

It wasn’t on purpose, wasn’t remotely thought out, it just- happened. He never followed up on it, she clearly didn’t see him like that. Head over heels for the group's cleric, even if neither of the two of them ever truly realized how much. But he wasn’t about to be one of those asshole men who tried to get their hands on Thiala in some backwater bar only to be clocked by Alanis’s spellbook. (She had cantrips, why she used her spellbook was something only she would ever know.) So he kept it to himself.

But it never truly went away, only morphed. Spiraled into threads around their friendship. Grew as they bonded over lost love and losing friends.

* * *

“Okay she’s finally asleep, the fun begins!” Alanis swung in the barstool beside him, grinning wildly. It was the early stages of their adventure, none of them quite sure how to get to where they were going or even what they were doing. They’d stopped in Ezri for the night, hoping that being protected by arcane soldiers would chase Thiala’s nightmares away. She’d been waking up in the middle of the night, shuddering and crying about demons and losing faith. Which was odd for the otherwise calm and composed cleric. But that was a problem for the morning, and Alanis was calling over the bartender to them.

“Finally,” Ulfgar responded, matching her wild smile, “Never thought the killjoy would fall asleep.” Alanis elbowed him in the side in response before turning to the barkeep to haggle better drink pricing.

* * *

“-just don’t think she’ll ever, ya know, respond? Not that that matters in the grand scheme of things, we’ve got more important things to do with our time than whatever this is. But-” Alanis tipped her head back against the wall of the dingy baroom booth. “It’d be nice to know.”

Ulfgar took a long drink out of one of the two mugs on the table in front of him in lieu of responding. He knew this already. Of course he knew. He had seen how she looked at Thiala. Wistful glances and broken sighs. Ulfgar was dense, not blind. It still hurt. Hurt to know for sure. Hurt to know that Alanis was extremely unlikely to remember this conversation, that she would tell him again and again and again and-

“Ulfgar? Hey bud,” she laid a hand against his forearm, “You good? Looked like you were spacing out a bit. Sorry I’m sorta going off again, why don’t you talk for a while? Pelor knows I’ve been talking for ages.” She spoke the sun gods name with a smirk and a roll of her eyes, a mockery. Like someone who didn’t grant authority to anyone- much less a god who’d given her nothing. Ulfgar really shouldn’t find that attractive.

“I don’t mind,” he lied, like a liar. Alanis just raised an eyebrow and sat back- stealing one of his ales in the process and taking a drink.

“Whatever you say I suppose.” There was a long pause after that, the noise of the bar around them turning into white noise. Someone was singing. To hell with it. Maybe Moradin would have mercy on him and purge this memory from his head.

“Let’s say you’ve got this friend,” he began, “and their everything you could have ever wanted. Kind, smart, funny, and they care so much about what they are doing. Just beyond you in every way, so much more than you would ever be.” Alanis was nodding along drunkenly now. “Say you’re travelling with this friend, and one day you realize-”

“That you love them?” she was staring at him now, leaned forward on her forearms on the terrible wooden tabletop, and the bar was so loud why could he hear his heart trying to jump out of his chest. Why could he hear the hum of magic in the air, the energy charging up for- something.

“Yeah.” Barely a whisper, afraid of ruining _whatever_ was happening. He swallowed around the lump that was forming in his throat for no reason whatsoever. A beat.

“Shit, I’ll drink to that.” Alanis raised her drink, his drink, into the air towards him. Ulfgar felt a small, bitter laugh punch its way out of him. _Of course._

“Cheers to love then I guess.”

“Cheers to love!” Wooden mugs clicked together and they drank.

_Cheers to love._

* * *

**_Later_ **

* * *

Alanis and Ulfgar were sitting in a half destroyed bar in Galaderon. It was much, much later. After Illsed, after the age of the heroes, after the Band of Boobs rose up and fought the fight neither of them ever could. Sitting in a bar, graying hair and molted skin.

“She’s really gone isn’t she.” Alanis stared down into her drink, some indispensable concoction of whatever was left of the alcohol. The city was celebrating Thiala’s defeat, an uproar of noise and freedom rushing through the streets outside the abandoned bar.

“Yeah…” Ulfgar filled his drink again, too many in to think better. “She’s gone.” Alanis slumped down against the counter of the bar, head cradled in her arms. He was tempted to join her, but settled for awkwardly patting her on the back.

“Its just-” her word were muffled against the countertop, “she did so much harm to the world, and yet-”

“She was our friend once.” Alanis was silent, “Hey… it's ok to miss her, you know that right?”

“I- fuck. I just-” she sat up again and- oh. She was crying. “If we’d known maybe we could of-” a cut off sob.

“Alanis, how could we have possibly-?”

“I don't know! I- I don’t know…” Alanis wasn’t looking at him (never had, never would), gesturing wildly into the open air. “There had to have been something, something I missed, something I-”

“Alanis.” He set a hand on her shoulder. “You did so much. You gave the world a chance, more than it would have gotten if you’d hadn’t tried.”

“I loved her.” She’d turned towards him and- man. They were both so sad, mourning something that never was, that never could be.

“I know.” And then they were hugging, holding each other as the world celebrated the defeat of a god who used to be one of the best people they knew. Ulfgar knew that she’d never love him as more than a friend, but that was alright. It always had been, really. This was more important, being a friend, being strong for the people around him. Loving and being loved, in a fashion.

This was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone wants to shout about the legendary heroes with me I'm @raeofsunshin on tumblr. Come cry with me. :)


End file.
